is your mom at the bar?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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