those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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