remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
