he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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