I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm both gender and math confused
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
