new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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