She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize