Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
