It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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