I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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