how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
