my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
