Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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