I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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