I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She even gives head with a lisp.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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