we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
