Your face is a jimmy john
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
