Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
