I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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