Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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