well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
