If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
