i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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