News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
two words...techno handjob
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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