I didn't shave. On purpose
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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