maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
