Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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