I just saw a hot homeless man
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
