The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
