I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
