i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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