I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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