Someone shit on the floor
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
