My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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