Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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