So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
