i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
