i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
