so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
