What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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