i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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