He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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