lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
