I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i will never coherently bang her
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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