im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
