Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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