so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
