Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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