Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
