I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
