South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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