you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
