and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
