FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
