I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
accomplished twins. life is a go
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
