After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
