A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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