You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
