omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can text with my tongue
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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