i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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