she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize