i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
