You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
