i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
