I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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