Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
