that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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