This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
