So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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