Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
