You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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