I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
