So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
