i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
