His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
